A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed, puffing and panting.

“What are you doing?” the man inquires.

“Err,” she stammers back. “I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!” “Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an ambulance!” He runs downstairs, picks up the phone, and begins dialing 911, when his son Johnny appears, sobbing his little heart out. “What’s the matter, son?” asks the father.

“Uncle James is in the closet with no clothes on, Daddy,” replies his tearful toddler.

Enraged, the man runs back upstairs, flings open the wardrobe, and finds his brother there absolutely naked, just as his son had said.

“You bastard, Jim,” screams the man. “My wife is over there having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring Johnny!”

Next funny story: An Elephant And A Crocodile Were Swimming In The Jungle

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the jungle,

When the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

“What did you do that for?” asked the crocodile.

The elephant answered,

“That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago.”

The crocodile said,

“And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory.”

“Yep,” says the elephant.

“Turtle recall.”