Jack Nicholson and Robert DeNiro are two of Hollywood’s most notorious tough guys. As they’ve aged, however, only one has continued to travel a decent path, and it isn’t DeNiro.

“I’m disappointed in him,” said Nicholson, “What a woke wimp he turned out to be. I’ll never forget that time people went crazy because he was eating a Maine potato. That’s the DeNiro I want to remember. Not this cheesy little dork with no ballsack.”

It’s true, patriots. If you Google DeNiro and Nicholson for…let’s say a featured image for a satire post, one of the highest-ranking hits is all about DeNiro eating a tater. Nicholson is there, but they don’t seem to care. That’s the kind of respect he used to command.

Nowadays, however, he calls former President Trump names like “punk,” and “chump,” when he can’t even get a fictional version of Jack Nicholson to side with him.

“He’s never coming to a Lakers game with me, that’s for sure,” said Nicholson.

Real Jack Nicholson, on the other hand, is good friends with the Clintons and is, by most accounts, a really fun guy to be around who doesn’t do a lot of politics.

It’s a good thing we don’t deal in any of that. Otherwise, our headline would be really misleading. God Bless America.